Funeral Arrangements: How to Make Your Wishes Known

When you lose a loved one, you naturally want to honor their life in a way that they would have appreciated. Yet many people struggle to decide on final arrangements for a late family member or close friend because they are unsure of the deceased person’s wishes.

In the midst of an already difficult time, grieving family members may find themselves facing challenging questions about the type of funeral their late loved one would have wanted. They may feel unsure about something as basic as whether the deceased individual preferred a burial or cremation. To make up for any feelings of uncertainty, families also may end up overspending on their late loved one’s funeral plans.

How can you ensure that your loved ones carry out your funeral and burial or cremation wishes after you die? Those closest to you should be aware of your desires. Putting your preferences in writing can be key.

Assist Your Loved Ones

It may seem morbid to plan ahead for your passing. But giving the loved ones you trust most a sense of direction about your funeral wishes can be a gift in and of itself.

You will be providing them with some much-needed relief during an emotionally fraught time. Being specific about your preferences can help prevent conflict among those closest to you as well. For example, the spiritual beliefs of different family members may deviate from your own. Make it clear for them how they can come together to honor the life you lived.

At the same time, you’ll be helping to ensure that your loved ones respect your personal preferences. To help your loved ones follow your wishes after you are gone, you can write out detailed funeral preferences as well as any requests you have about what you would like them to do with your remains. You might consider outlining your preferences on the following points:

• The venue where you want your loved ones to hold your funeral or memorial service
• What type of service you prefer – whether it is a religious ceremony, a celebration of life, or something else
• Your decision regarding burial or cremation
• Whom to invite to your services
• What you would like to wear
• Who should speak at your services or what passages or poems you would like read
• What music should be played
• Who might serve as pallbearers

You may decide to share insights on other details, too. These might include your favorite flowers or colors, what life accomplishments you are most proud of, or particular photographs you would like to have shared at your service. If you are a veteran member of the armed forces, certain military funeral honors may be part of your funeral service.

Perhaps you do not want your loved ones to have to plan any event in your honor. If you outline this in your wishes, it could allay your loved ones of any worries they may have about taking on the planning process or covering final expenses.

Making these decisions ahead of time not only lets everyone know what your wishes are, but it also can help your family members during their time of grief.

Should Funeral Information Be in Your Will?

It may be tempting to include this information in your will, but a will may not be opened until long after the funeral is over. A will is best used for explaining how to distribute your property, not for funeral instructions. You can write your funeral and burial directions in a separate document, or you may be able to put your wishes in your health care directive. Whatever you do, make sure your family or other loved ones know where to find the information when they need it.

If you don’t make your wishes known, the responsibility for determining your funeral and burial rests with your loved ones. If you are married, your spouse is usually in charge of making the decisions. If you are not married, the responsibility will likely go to your children, parents, or next of kin. Again, disputes could arise between family members over what you would have wanted.

Pre-Arranged Plans

You may opt to make all your funeral arrangements ahead of time with a funeral home. Advance funeral planning might involve things like preselecting a burial plot, gravestone, or urn, and paying for everything ahead of time yourself.

Of course, covering any major costs ahead of time can also lift a burden from your loved ones. Some seniors choose to spend down their assets on prepaid funeral plans as a way of qualifying for Medicaid. However, there are reasons to be somewhat wary when pursuing pre-paid funeral plans.

Consumers can lose money when pre-need funeral funds are misspent. A shady funeral provider could mishandle or embezzle the funds. Some funeral homes go out of business before the need for the pre-paid funeral arises. Others sell policies that are virtually worthless.

If you go this route, take time to do your research by reading reviews, getting quotes, and visiting several different funeral homes.

For help with ensuring your loved ones understand your funeral wishes, talk to your estate planning attorney.